special dragons and clever musings
by Tomato Paste
Summary: Harry works at a tattoo parlor, and Draco makes an unexpected visit. HD


warnings: 420 yasss, drarry, the word smutt, umbitch, dragon, fred-or-goerge(i dunno who), ears, fuchsia leather pants, arses, and platypi

"This isn't what I asked for" Fred Weasley said as he looked at the new tattoo of a ear on his arse. "but you said you wanted something to remember the war by!" harry excalimed "its how you lost your ear!"

"Look here buddy my mom paid for tihs u don't want us to be even more poor"

harry shrugged "gotta make a living you weren't specific"

"damn right I was specific I'm pretty sure I didn't want a deformed ear on my arsecheek! where the hell is Fred" the living twin said

"wait you aren't fred?" harry asked inquisitively

""no I'm george you pile of steaming turd shit" george said

"mOTHERFUCKING ARSEHAT assbutt HIPPOGRIFF DOBBY'S SOCK" harry said as he threw the tattoo pen thing at the wall. it dented the paper wall and flew up umbitch's ass. harry glowered and glanced around the dingy shop. He sniggered as he thoguht about the tattoo he had given the umbitch the week before.

" _MISTER POTTER! I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR A BAND OF FLUFFY KITTENS RULING IN A MINISTRY COURTROOM GAMBLING THEIR LIVES AWAY" she screeched lu umuder. "IT WAS SUPPOSED TO VE A METAPHOR FOR MY LIFE" she was panting heavily now, like she had just had se-nopenopenopenope- harry was not gonna go there! oh wait the umbitch was screaming again."INSTEAD, YOU CREATED THIS MONSTROSITY!" she gesturered to the tramp stamp in her flabby wrinkles. it was an artistic representation of a discusting slimy toad with very toad much bitch written under it. D0ge was a bit behind the times, but harry had to make do._

harry snapped out of the memory, as he saw fred-george-ah who fucking cares-leaving the shoppe. he looked up and suddenly there was a dragon out harry's window. ahrry was probably hella high like 420 lightning ~ _we smoke weed evry day~_

"hello" said the dragon. it was a silver dragon with platnuim blonde locks protruding out of his scalp scales and nether regions.

the dragon smiled in a dragon like way _(the fuck does that mean?!) (don't question the dragon)_

"so i heard you had drugs"

"yes said harry." the dragon had a dark mark but that was weird because dragons don't have dark amrks

but dark mark started moving on its own the anaconda approached some buns harry had in the kitchen. suddenly the dark mark grew legs and was walking around ahrry's underground lair.

the dragon did not seem disturbed about this. it had grown feathers on its wings out of nowhere

"I'm a veela" the dragon said

"veelas aren't dragons" harry said confusedly but in a high way _(like god?)_

"I can be whatever the fuck i want you little sniveling snot of a potato" said the veeladragon

"ok" said harry as he turned on _(the tv, gosh such dirty minded people!)_

the veela dragon started bleeding from the eys as it grew a giant horn on its- _(forehead)_

" _i like it when the red water comes out said the dragon"_

"my name is draco, because my parents are lazy son-of-a-bitches with no creativity" said the veeladragon named draco

"do i know you? you seem famriliar " said harry

"you don't know me at all-no way-not one bit-nOPE" said the veeeladragon named draco

" i am doubtful" said harry in a ver doubtful way

"din't you dare question the motherfucking veela dragon named draco" said dumbledore then dumbledore flew away

"what he said!" said the dragonveela named draco

harry blinked and pulled some yellow sunglasses out of his pockets "anwyay we should smoke something, i havent smoked in like, 2 hours" harry started seached for a smokey thingy.

"well merlin saggy titsdamn then go smoke ur shit" said the vella dragon named draco annoyededly

"u can have some too" said harry sluggishly, he had found the smokes.

"and owe you money? bitch please" said veeladragon named draco

"sad FACE " harry said sadly with a sad face as his face turned sad

"you know i could go for a fuck" harry said suddenly horny

the veela dragon named draco readily agreed "i will just transform into my platypus form to make this even mure FABULOUS"

"aWH SHIET" harry said, his boner literally pokin a hole in his fuschia leather pants

the veela dragon named draco in his platypus blinked at him

"you knwo this was a bad idea" said the dragonveela named draco but now he was just a veela named draco because platypuses are bad at sex _(which didnt make sense because he wasnt a veeladragon named draco anwaymore)_

~17 hours of disturbing smutt later~

Harry and the once again veela dragon named draco were basked in the after glow of weird ass sex when ahrry decided to share his thoughts with the world. _(because they were on a reality show)_

"y'know" harry began.

"i think i want to be a communist."

AN: I don't know what this is we were young and lost, _(three minutes ago)_ sorry bruh

THIS A JOKE NO FLAMEEEES _I be on fire though_

 _dude i want flames they're hilarious_

OKIE JUST DONT LIKE REPORT IT OR SUM SHIET


End file.
